Ask the Pastor: What Sort of Man Should I Marry?

By Rev. Reagan Marsh, MATS, MDiv (eq.)

Ask the Pastor is a regular column at Every Reason to Believe where pastor Reagan Marsh answers a variety of reader questions about ministry, Christianity, the church, and more…all from the perspective of the pulpit. You can find all of his articles here.

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What Sort of Man Should I Marry?

I am a single woman who wants to marry. I love the Lord and want to honor him in my life, but things are so confusing in our world. Movies and TV tell me I should marry for romance. I want to be swept off my feet! I’m not sure I see that in the Bible. What sort of man should I marry? What are the biblical qualities of a husband and Godly man?

This is a fantastic question—and as a biblical counselor, it’s a question I wish many more women asked before giving their hearts to a man.

Here’s a quick summary (in no particular order) of the most important things the Bible says to look for in a potential husband (the qualities of a biblical husband). Do note, Scripture has much more to say here, but not less.

A Man Worth Marrying Should:

Value and apply Scripture’s rule above self-reliance in his life and thought.
(Is. 66:2)
 
Love Jesus more than you.
(Col. 3:4)
 
Be more committed to pleasing Christ than pleasing you.
(2 Cor. 5:9)
 
Be deeply committed to weekly worship at a faithful local church, entrusting his soul’s care to godly, biblically-qualified elders.
(Heb.10:21-25, 13:7, 13:17)

 Help you be faithful in weekly worship there as well.
(Eph. 5:25-27)
 
Desire growth in grace with you more than merely growing old with you.
(2 Pet. 3:18)

Spur you on to biblical godliness, not mere superficial conformity.
(Heb. 10:25b)
 
Be committed to godly change, aiming to conform his whole life more to Scripture each day.
(Phil. 2:12-13)

Be committed to serving, and modeling Christ’s ministry in your home.
(Mk. 10:45)
 
Read and feed on the Bible each day.
(Ps. 1:2)

Be committed to regular family worship, recognizing his role and responsibility as the spiritual head who will account to God for your soul and those of your children.
(Eph. 6:4)

Habitually memorize and meditate on Scripture, privately and with you.
(Ps. 119:11)

Seek to apply Scripture to his own life and your life together.
(Gen. 18:19)

Be accountable to other godly, growing Christians, desiring to glorify God in his life.
(James 5:16)

Seek faithful biblical counsel for his decisions, problems, and besetting sins.
(Rom. 15:14)

“Scripture calls men to be men—mighty in the Lord, faithful to their wives, and deadly serious about the Cross of Christ.”

Model true (not token!) humility before Scripture.
(Prov. 3:5)

Exemplify obedience to God’s law, building his life upon the 10 Commandments.
(Matt. 4:4)

Honor man’s law faithfully, insofar as God’s law permits.
(Rom. 13:1-7, Acts 5:29)

Be committed to working hard to provide for his family.
(2 Thess. 3:10)

Pray and read Scripture with you, discussing the things of God with you consistently.
(Deut. 6:1-9)

Have a sincere desire to be more holy and daily takes specific Scriptural steps to be more holy.
(1 Pet. 1:13-17, Heb. 12:1, Heb. 12:12-14)

Recognize his own indwelling sin, actively seeking to kill it.
(Rom. 8:12-13, Eph. 4:22-24, Col. 3:5-14)

Honor his parents and yours as best he can, particularly his mother; how he treats her is how he’ll treat you.
(Ex. 20:12)

Be worth imitating in his gentleness and patience toward others.
(1 Cor. 11:1, Phil. 3:17)

Be a man of purity: honorable in his online activity, social media interactions, and viewing habits.
(Eph. 5:5-7)

Be a man of integrity, faithful in business dealings with client and coworker alike.
(Matt. 5:37)

“He may be the bad boy, the pretty boy, the funny boy, or the flirty boy…but ladies, all those guys are still boys.”

Be temperate and self-controlled with alcohol, not given to much wine.
(Eph. 5:18)

Be a courageous man, unafraid and willing to protect you.
(1 Cor. 16:13, Lk. 22:36)

Be a principled man of biblical conviction, unafraid to stand alone for truth—even if it’s costly.
(Eph. 6:13)

Be a friend, one who enjoys spending time with you and is pleasant to be around.
(Prov. 18:24, 1 Pet. 3:7)

Be one to whom there is at least some basic level of physical attraction.
(1 Cor. 7:2-5)

Be one to whom you are willing to submit yourself in all things lawful.
(Eph. 5:22-24)

Be a man of wisdom, knowing both the ways of men and the Word of God.
(Jer. 17:9, Acts 17:11)

Be a man who is teachable, willing to learn and grow from those who know more than him.
(Lk. 2:46, Lk. 2:52)

Be the kind of man you want your sons to become and your daughters to marry.
(Prov. 23:15-25, Prov. 27:11)

Conclusion

He may be the bad boy, the pretty boy, the funny boy, or the flirty boy…but ladies, all those guys are still boys.

Scripture calls men to be men—mighty in the Lord, faithful to their wives, and deadly serious about the Cross of Christ. The qualities of a biblical husband flow from these main points.

Don’t buy the worldly wisdom of “not settling for less than you deserve”—ladies, don’t settle for less than God expects, don’t waste your life with men who waste theirs, and don’t settle for satisfying yourself (or others!) instead of glorifying God.

The blood-soaked Cross of Jesus demands our marriages be shaped by its all-consuming fullness.

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Thank you for reading this article about the qualities of a biblical husband.